Ferk You Too

I finally got my book today! YAY!

I can now speak to people in a strange tongue and no one will understand me! I will be IMPERCEIVABLE MAN!!!

However, my quest for UPS-branded socks has yet to be fruitful. Here’s the email I sent to UPS corporate:

 Dear Service of Posting that is United,

I was on the way home from a dentist appointment and I was abruptly
stopped by a red light. I looked to my right, and saw a big brown UPS
truck. Oh, what a majestic brown it was with gold lettering and logo. I
looked at the man driving it (you have good drivers, by the way) and he
was nicely dressed in his UPS uniform. The thing that stood out the
most, however, were the socks.

What great socks they were, brown with a gold trim and a nice
embroidered UPS logo above the ankle. They really represent your
business well.

I am wondering where I can get these socks? Do you have them for sale
some place? You should open up an online Merchandise store. You’d be
rich(er)!

I think that you should also know just how quick and reliable your
service is. I ordered a book from Barnes and Noble on Sunday, and your
tracking service says that it went from Kentucky to Phoenix in 20
minutes!!! How do you do it? It is now (apparently) loaded in a truck
and I’ll have it tomorrow. How great you are! I give you my thumbs UPS!

thanks!
-tuna

Well that’s a nice email. I complemented their business and the men and women in brown who serve them daily. But here is the ungrateful, half-hearted response I got…

Dear Tuna,

Thank you for your inquiry.Your comments are very important to us.
Customer feedback allows us to continually improve our services. Please
note that comments such as these help when planning the design and
function of all UPS merchandise and are highly appreciated.
Unfortunately, UPS does not have merchandise for sale.

Please contact us if you need any additional assistance.

Shakira Hanson
UPS Customer Service

What is that??? He didn’t even parse his punctuation correctly in that first line there, which I find extremely insulting. He went on to completely ignore my nice comments about them, and condescendingly reject my inquiry with a simple “We do not have UPS merchandise for sale.”  I must say, those guys are really good at making us bloggers look like geeky little teenage weirdos, learning obscure languages that nobody speaks and trying to get free swag from… what?

I’m not going to give up. I’m going to GET some UPS socks. I’m making a whole category about it.

Tags: UPS socks, Abstract, My Life, News, Other //